Speak now…uh, better yet, forever hold your (nose-)peace
I must speak out! About fashion, no less. Those who know me might consider this a tad hypocritical. “El J.Z.,” they might say, “what right do you have to judge? You are many things, but a fashion all-star is not one of them.”
It’s true that I have, at times, dressed in ways that some would label “geeky,” while others might label “regrettable.” We fringe-dwellers call it living life on the EJZ (that’s prounounced “edges,” kids). But if I don’t care what people think of me…why should anyone care about my fashion views? Well, frankly they shouldn’t. Not that it’s going to stop me. No, blogs are for the disenfranchised, the frustrated, the mildly irritated. They’re for people who have something to say even when they’re certain no one is listening. And that’s me. And so, on with the show…
Those giant bug-eyed sunglasses that are so popular with women (and some men) these days look ridiculous. That’s it; I said it; I’m done. (Ah, you ask, so why does the post ramble on for another five or six paragraphs? Smart-aleck.) Normally, we’re supposed to look back on trends from ages past with disdain. You know: bell-bottoms; mullet haircuts; glow-in-the-dark shoelaces; mini-skirts (oops, how’d that one get on the list!). We’re supposed to laugh at the naïveté of a bygone era, or at least reel with the shameful knowledge that “we were once like that.” And how are we able to do this? With time and distance. With perspective. The point is that fashion trends are at least supposed to seem cool when we’re in them, because we don’t know better (yet).
Speaking of sunglasses, I feel like I’ve awakened from the Matrix and am living in the harshness of the “real world,” because I can see through it all (through the artifice, if not the sunglasses). And the reality is that they look silly. They did in the 70s; they did last summer; they do this summer; and they will in twenty years. I’m not saying stop wearing them; you have a right to that. I’m just saying don’t expect me not to laugh a little, inside.
Says me.
Opinions can be ill-informed, they can be brutally direct to the point of cruelty. But the beauty of opinions is that they are subjective; they can’t be wrong. At least, that’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.
[Full disclosure: Your beloved Jardinero used to wear ridiculously large (non-sun) glasses in the 80s, but no one considered them cool then. Neither would they be cool now by any stretch of the imagination. And that has nothing to do with this discussion. Neither do his white socks with brown shoes. Nor the farmer’s tan. Really.]
[Full disclosure #2: I realize that the last thing the Internet needs is another blog whining about large sunglasses (I just did a search and it turns out there already are…er, a few of them). They invariably explode into insoluble Mac-versus-PC-esque religious wars. {The Olsen twins,Britney Spears,Paris Hilton} look{s} awesome; no they’re stupid; no, they’re hot. You suck. You suck. No, I rule! Etc. It quickly gets tiresome, so let’s spare ourselves the hassle. For the record, yes I do agree there are many more important things in the world than the contents of this post. Yes, my efforts probably could have been put to better use, saving the {seals,trees,planet}. I’ve said my piece — now let’s all just move on and save time and stress by contributing no further discussion to this post. Thank you all for your comprehension, you’ve been very understanding.]
[Executive summary: If someone as “fashion-tolerant” as I am thinks giant bug-eyed sunglasses look silly, then the glasses must be really, really awful.]